Women’s Infidelity – Book Review

I read an article the other day about predictable patterns of a woman’s realtionships.  This article was written by Michelle Langley for her book, “Women’s Infidelity” on her web site, http://www.womensinfidelity.com/.  I am wondering if any of the female readers find any synergy in what she says compared to your own experiences.

She states in her book that women’s relationships today follow a very predictable pattern:

They push men for commitment
They get what they want
They lose interest in sex
They become attracted to someone else
They start cheating
They become angry and resentful
They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
They blame their partners for their behavior…and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.

Stage 1

Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier.

Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them.  Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.

Stage 2

Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a “new” man involves sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.

Many women in this stage haven’t felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.

I would imagine that men follow a “predictable” pattern as well.  Most issues that I have had in relationships have had to do with compromising with my partner for the “better-good”.  If I took her on every time I thought about it, we would never stop fighting, most time I just “let her win” her argument.  I react to issues in a relationship based on the “big picture”.  What happens one day is not the end of the world and we have another 50 years to go so I don’t rock the boat too much.  Relationships require a tremendous amount of tolerance and “give and take”. IF on the other hand there was a specific predictable pattern that was being followed, there would be a huge difference in my reation to various scenarios; rather than trying to work with such a self-centred individual I would feel free to do whatever I found pleasing to ME. Why should she have the freedom to stand back from the relationship and judge it?

I have not read this particular author’s book and most likely will not.  I am not much for reading about how men can work with their wives to change predetermined, predictable patterns in their lives and relationships.  I beleive in self-help. If my wife said to me, I am losing interest in sex…can we work together to find a solution…I would be all for it.  If she said, I am losing interest in sex and there is nothing you can do about it, I would be doing someone else.  At this stage in my life I have no interest in a tremendous amount of compromise (even for someone that I love).  I am not interested in sitting back while she “sorts her head out”.  I have seen this behaviour too often before and I sat back like an idiot until she made the decision to move on.  Whether women like it or accept it…sex is a very big part of a man’s connection with her.  It isn’t everything but when it is taken away a big part of why your husband is attentive is taken away as well.

To continue reading the excerts from the author’s website follwo this link: http://www.womensinfidelity.com/