Hey, Let’s get married! Right NOW!!

I was reading a post on a blog the other day where someone was talking about an ex that had rushed into a marriage and had regret about the decision. The post author went on to ask why people, specifically men, would rush into marriage?
I have some personal opinions.  I can’t claim to have had experience with all of these but I have had some of these thoughts cross my mind.  Please keep in mind I am talking about someone that is young and somewhat immature in his experience in relationships.

1. I think the number one reason for rushing into a marriage is to claim ownership.  A guy has the opportunity to marry a stunning, sexy woman that every guy drools over.  He married her because he can.  He wants to “have” her so that no one else can.  She has the same real appeal to him as an exotic sports car.  There is no depth to the “love” here, he is marrying her to claim her as a possession.  He will do this at the first available opportunity lest she change her mind and actually start dating one of the guy’s drooling friends.

2. Sex. Many men marry for sex.  I have actually thought (but not acted on) marrying a woman because she was “fantastic” in bed.  That being she knew what to do to make our sex life great.  She was “better” than anyone I had met before and I couldn’t imagine anything better.  Rather than someone else sharing in the joys that this woman possessed, I could marry her and keep her all to myself.

3. Typically if you compare “perceptions” of a current girlfriend or wife to a potential new lover, the one you are with will fail.  The new, uncharted territory possesses far more appeal than the “same old” at home. There is a greater level of lust and infatuation with this new girl that is flirting with me.  She is obviously more fun, more exciting, more sexy, hotter than the one I am with. As the song goes, “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”  If someone hotter comes along the man may jump at the opportunity to marry her if he doesn’t let time do it’s job of wearing off the glitter and revealing the true person underneath.

4. A man will marry a woman for security.  He may not like being alone, he may have self-confidence issues.  The first woman that comes along that makes him feel “good” is “good-enough” for him.  He marries her.  If over time his self-confidence gets boosted he may change his outlook on what he sees himself as having as far as a partner.  He sees himself in a better light than when they got married so he sees a need for a new “matching” wife.

5. A man has a girlfriend or a wife and he starts having an affair.  Over time he falls for his lover.  He sees her as better than his wife.  He leaves his wife for his lover.  He marries his lover. Turns out that the lover only wanted an affair…not a husband and the new relationship starts to wither quickly.  He might find himself wishing for his part relationship, even going so far as to contact his ex looking to reconcile.

6. A man meets up with a fantastic woman.  She is recently separated from her unappreciative, useless, cheating husband. He cannot believe why her ex would have treated this Princess so badly.  She doesn’t want to go through the dating process again, why shouldn’t they just get married and get on with their lives.  They marry and he finds out quickly why her ex was not interested in her idea of “marital bliss”.

7. He feels sorry for the woman.  She has been through bad relationships, she has had a hard life, she wants something and he is ready, willing and able to provide it.  Men like to be the knight in shining armour to the “maiden in distress.”  Not necessarily on that level but I find that I have to at least have a “feeling” of being needed in some way by my partner to make “it work” for me.

8. He has ulterior motives.  He wants to marry her because he has a “need” for her that has nothing to do with the relationship.  I know of one case where a man got married quickly so it would appear that he was in the process of “turning his life around.”  He had been charged with and was due to stand trial for rape.

Another occasion saw the man marrying the woman because he needed her income.  A woman wouldn’t hand over her cheque without reason but if she was promised a “life together” along with a grandiose plan that only needed her additional income to make it work, she might go for it.

Another man wanted to marry the first available as he wanted access to her health benefits.

9. Some are innocent enough in their thinking to assume that the “love” that they feel is “it”.  Everyone that has been in love knows that “love can conquer all” yet in reality, after we have experienced both the ups AND downs of relationships we know that this is not the case.

It should be noted that I provided the above “reasons” as to why a man might rush into marriage, not why a man would get married in general and definitely not as a list of reasons he should get married.