Less than you think…
Posted by controversial1 on December 19, 2008
My wife has an obsession with sex. More so she seems to be obsessed with my sexual history. If I so much as mention a woman’s name and the ensuing story puts me and said woman in the same room my wife will ask; “Did you have sex with her?” If I HAD slept with every woman that I have been in the same room with at any given point in time…I would certainly be considered one of the great Playboys of modern time. The truth is, and I have tried to explain this to my wife on many distinct occasions, the truth is NO, I have not had sex with every woman that I COULD have had sex with. I know that this flies in the face of male human nature AND saying no for a man is like speaking a foreign language…yet it is done.
1.I found myself in a situation many times (more than I would have expected) where the woman that I was with, usually a co-worker, was drinking. Her demeanour went from “strictly business” to flirty and sexy. As much as I could see this “green light” I resisted and yes on a few occasions actually fought off this opportunity. (Did you know that women that get rejected for sex can get REALLY nasty?) As far as I can recall, in ALL cases my co-worker was happy and appreciative(the next day) that I didn’t “take the bait.”
2.Drinking in general. I have had some opportunity to take advantage of drunk or otherwise intoxicated women, but did not. I have left a bar with a woman, taken her to her place, got her undressed and into bed without so much as laying a hand on her. Why, because in my opinion at that time she really was not aware of her actions and by being the “nice” guy at this point I might have a chance to score a “real” date with her another time. Never turned out that way but it was a good idea.
3.In some cases I didn’t trust the woman. I got the feeling that she had ulterior motives, that she would expect some payback or that she was trying to make a boyfriend/husband jealous. There have been a few times where I honestly felt that the opportunity “was too good to be true” and backed away.
4.I simply did not find her attractive enough to engage in sexual activity with her. Depending on my mood or level of intoxication my standards could be compromised accordingly but there have been cases where all the beer in the world wouldn’t make it right. The unfortunate truth is that I, like most men do have two separate and distinct “bars”. The bar for sex only is far lower than the one set for a relationship.
5.I have found that, even in this day, women put a great weight on the sexual aspect of a relationship. If you have sex the relationship has changed from friends to lovers. A man may not see it that way. It happened to me, the next day she started talking about getting married and how WE would be raising HER child. Not in my plan!!
I think that a lot has to do with having the ability to make choices. I am not desperate. I do not HAVE to jump at every opportunity, if I were more “hungry” maybe I would.
Dave said
I could particularly relate to your third point regarding not being able to trust certain situations. For me, the “too good to be true” situation is often created by the woman being perceived as more attractive than what I deserve. I recently had this happen to me in a bar where I couldn’t get past not only how attractive the woman was but also how overdressed she was (compared to me). I actually wondered if she could have been a call girl looking for a score.
Also, as I approach my 40’s, I find that some younger women seem to come at me from the perspective that, because I look older, I’m going be a master lover. The reality here is that my sexual performance has remained relatively the same over the years, with the exception being that I enjoy taking more time in giving a woman oral pleasure.
I think an overall problem with male verses female fulfillment of sexual needs is this: 1) as a man, if I know my interaction with a woman is merely going to be a brief sexual encounter, I don’t see the point of going through the superficial emotional gesturing that most women require — for me, the less I know about her the better; and 2)the more I’m aware that two of us are going through the motions for a sexual encounter, the more sexual anxiety I experience.