Romance is the game of love

There is a big difference between love at first sight and love after living together for 2 years.  So often there is talk of how he or she has changed, she is not as passionate as she was, he is not as attentive as he was.
What has changed is the passing of a stage in the relationship, the stage of romance.  Romance starts at the beginning, intensifies and slowly but surely will (if left to its druthers) disappear.  The reason is that romance is an act.  In the beginning it comes about naturally and without specific effort.

There is a natural instinctive drive to:
•    Get him or her to notice you.
•    Get him or her to notice that you are different (better) than the next person.
•    Impress her or him by lavishing gifts, time or anything that shows that you took extra time or effort  etc.
•    Looking your best because you want him/her to notice you.
•    Doing things that are out of character, writing poetry, going shopping with her, going to a chick-flick with her.
•    Make sure that he/she knows at every opportunity that you like her, want her, need her.  He/she is made to feel special through the various actions that can be generalized as being “romantic”.

Some of the main reasons that “romance” fades over time are:
•    It is an “act” and it is virtually impossible to act out segments of “real” life indefinitely.
•    Many of the things that he/she does in the process of attempting to be romantic are things that are “out of character”.  In the beginning there is a no-holds-barred attempt at ensuring that he/she notices you…you will do almost anything to make the other “happy”, even if it is something you typically wouldn’t consider doing.  Eventually we ease back into our own personal comfort zone…Chick flicks be damned!
•    Being romantic requires effort.  The adrenaline rush we get from “being in love” offers us a never-ending source of energy to do all of the handstands and cartwheels necessary to ensure our “goals” are met.  After time the thrill wears off, the energy level wanes and going the extra mile to make him/her happy might be spent better elsewhere…like sleeping or watching the game.
•    There is no longer the “need” to be romantic.  There is no need to impress, no need to convince, the decision has been made and now you both have achieved your goals…you have one another.  He doesn’t have to go out of his way to make her feel special does he?  Heck, he married her didn’t he?  What more could she want?
•    Money.  Whether it is her getting her hair colored and her nails done, flowers every week, dinner at tiffany’s or the weekend club scene…it all costs money.  After time the expense doesn’t seem to be as necessary as other aspects in life take priority.  As a personal example I used to buy my girlfriend flowers every week without fail. $22.45 per week.  Now we live together and have a house, bills, kids etc. So almost $90 per month is better spent elsewhere.  Even if I DID still buy flowers all the time SHE would tell me off.

I don’t think that it has to be this way specifically.  I think that a couple CAN keep the spirit of romance alive in their relationship even after that chapter in the book of life has been passed.  I do what I can to ensure that my wife feels special and to me that IS the entire purpose or being romantic.
•    We make specific plans to go away together whether for a day trip or overnight at least once a month.
•    We go out for dinner at a nice restaurant at least once a month.
•    I rub her back, legs whatever is causing her discomfort EVERY night.
•    I always open the car door for her, pull out her chair in the restaurant, lend her my hat, coat or gloves.
•    Take the kids out when they are getting on her nerves.
•    I tell her she is beautiful, every day, because I mean it.
•    Help her out if she is doing something in the house.
•    I do things with her that she has suggested and that she enjoys even though they might not score high on my list of pleasures.
•    Take her shopping for clothes, a new bag or something for the house and use my personal “allowance” to pay.
•    Do my share of the work around the house and I do it before she notices it needs to be done.
•    I still buy her flowers once a month.
•    On her birthday and other special occasions I try and do something with her that is different and unique…memorable.
•    If she is talking, even if I have no vested interest in the subject matter, I stop and listen attentively.

I showed this list to a woman that I work with and she told me that none of the above she would consider to be romantic, they were typical activities that she would EXPECT from her husband.  Being romantic to her was if he did something BIG and costly like buy her a car, taking her on a cruise etc.  Just maintaining the status quo, keeping the peace, making her feel comfortable is the man’s JOB as the husband, doing these things doesn’t make him romantic by any means.  I’m really happy that I only work with this woman and am not married to her!

Share your thoughts: Do you think it is possible to perpetuate romance in a relationship?