Not in Kansas Anymore Baby!
Posted by logicallyspeaking on February 18, 2009
And there’s no going back.
I’ve had my first taste of what a potential Dom/s relationship feels like. And I am addicted. And yes, I did approach it with a very logical mindset (and he’s told me I’m sometimes too logical!).
In reading this, the reader may think that I am referring to the sexual aspect of it. Sorry to disappoint, but I am not – although the sexual aspect of it is pretty darn amazing! This new relationship I have embarked upon and continue to explore slowly, is something that I sense will be much deeper than I have experienced in my life. There is a fear of course, of allowing myself to go too deep and then being crushed even harder than I have ever been before. I’m willing to take that chance. That’s not to say that I have totally allowed my heart and soul out of protective custody, but they’ve been allowed a long drink.
For those, like me, who have believed that a Dom/s relationship is somehow weird, or bizarre, or abnornmal or painful - it is not. It is filled with communication, respect, trust, caring, equality, patience, laughter and deep emotion. I have spent hours upon hours researching and reading about these types of relationships. The more I read, the more I spend time with this person, the more I realize that this flavour of relationship has the potential of being something out of this world. It has the potential of being a spiritual relationship – and the physical aspect of it an enhancement to that.
It has changed who I am. Or rather, it has brought forward more of who I really am. It is helping me to find my courage. It is leading me to a place where I can face my fears. It is a relationship where I am able to be who I am at the core and know that I will not be judged by the other person, but cared for gently and respected deeply.
It is a relationship not built on “hanging on for dear life; of putting my best foot forward all the time for fear of losing him” but a relationship where the ebb and flow of what surrounds me allows me to drift and feel confident that what I confront at the next turn will lead me further to where I need to be; will lead me to another adventure I will savour and then be able to let go of and move on to the next.
It is a relationship that has given me strength. It is a relationship that allows me to give strength to him. In giving up my control; in giving up my need to control I have gained more strength of character and essence than I had ever imagined.
Will it be a forever relationship? I don’t know. More importantly, it does not matter. For what I have learned about myself; for what I am continuing to learn and feel and experience at a spiritual and emotional level, I’ll take it for now and let forever take care of itself.
Ahh, I’m definitely not in Kansas anymore!
angelameria said
*smiles* welcome to the lifestyle. I, myself, have been a part of it for a little bit now, but am also embarking on my first real RELATIONSHIP as a sub to a Dom (hence my own blog I just began). The difference between a scene and a relationship is vast… a divide I am only now beginning to really understand. Enjoy
logicallyspeaking said
Thanks for your comment. Given how extremely new this is, I would have to say that I found out very quickly the huge difference between a “scene” and a relationship. Somehow I had assumed that the two were really only one but they really aren’t are they? And I asked A LOT of questions and continue to do so. Still negotiating my way around everything.
Would be interested in reading your blog if you would post the link? Or have I missed it somehow?
siranneal said
you’ve stated quite wonderfully what (in My mind) a D/s relationship is about. It’s a wee bit different for E/everyone, but you caught how I preceive D/s should be.
Thanks!
logicallyspeaking said
Thanks for your comment. Yes, it’s the way I perceive it as well and here I am in my early 40s and have finally found a relationship type that works for me! Now it’s a matter of finding someone (if the current does not work out) who understands it in the same way as I do.
I have also found that not many people understand it in quite the same way. During my research I found that many men use it as an excuse to “dump” on women and vice versa of course. There are so many layers to it, and levels and it can go from one end of the spectrum to the other. From mild role playing kink, to incorporating it in some way to all aspects of the relationship. I prefer the latter as I stated in my post, it’s more about a spiritual and deep emotional connection than about the kinky sex.