A Moment In Time

In one moment, in one smile, your life can change course forever.  I don’t know yet if it is my imagination.  Or, if it is my strong, long standing desire and longing to find that one person who can touch me – mind, body and soul.

I never thought that fear would be a part of that one moment.  The positive side of fear, if that exists.

Have you ever met someone, and in one instant, realize that your life is about to take a totally different path?  Whether you should turn around and run away as fast as you can, or whether your should run toward it with abandon?

I am a logical woman.  My head rules the decisions I make and the paths I follow.  I recognize and accept that I need to consult with my heart, with my soul – but in the end my head wins out.

This time…this time….I am experiencing a great challenge – an argument if you will – with my head.  With my logical side.  My head is telling me, run! run! run!  My soul is telling me, embrace, accept, enjoy, love, let go.

There is a storm.  It’s been building for a long time, and the rumblings have suddenly become louder.  The crackling electricity has ignited and shoots through my core with beautiful pain.  I can feel the pleasurable agony of it.  And I’m afraid.   Do I stop it now before it consumes me?  Or do I let this play out to see where the path takes me?

My emotions are raw.  But I absolutely need to hide the rawnesss; to hide the emotions.  To do everything in my power, to regain my power.  My mind is buzzing like it has never buzzed before.  My soul seems to be waking from a long, long sleep.  And I’m afraid.

I’m afraid to open my soul.  But I yearn to.  I’m afraid to take my heart out of the safety of the solid cage I have confined it to for so many years.   But it aches to be set free. The wings I have pinned down for so long are crying out to me to allow them to fly.  My mind is exploding with thoughts, dreams, longing I have long ago locked away.

I’m afraid.  I’m afraid to let go of the control I have held over my heart and soul for so long.  I’m afraid this is my imagination.  I’m afraid this cannot be real.  I’m afraid that I will awaken from this dream, and find the emptiness that awaits me.  The emptiness I have learned to live with; that I have learned to shut off and pretend isn’t there.

I’m afraid that if I open my heart, if I open my soul it will be trampled with the reality that might be.  I’m afraid that if I don’t open my heart and soul, that I will miss something absolutely extraordinary.  That I will allow some kind of wonderful to pass me by.

Who would have thought?  Not I.

That in one moment in time, the course of the rest of my life has the potential to change forever.

Your truth, your identity…your soul.

I was leaving a comment on someone’s blog the other day in regards to her post on soul mates here:
http://goodgirls.wordpress.com/2008/12/22/do-soulmates-exists/

I would like to believe there has to be some “divine intervention” required so that we can “see” and “accept” this miracle, that being the meeting of our soul mate.
Scientifically however, I feel a soul mate is a person that we meet on extremely rare occasion that can “read” us, understand us and accept us because they share near equality in personality. I got to thinking that a soul mate is a person where your core personalities mesh.  I believe form a scientific point of view that our “soul” is our core personality.  A core personality is what makes you the person that you are.  “You” know who you are and from there you wear an ever-changing wardrobe of disguises to suit your situation and company at any given time.  Your core personality remains constant; it is your truth, your identity…your soul.

As an example, when you tell a lie to someone, “you” know that you are lying, you know the truth, YOU are a liar.  Yet if someone asked you if you are a liar, you would most likely say no.  You might even tell someone that you value honesty above all else, yet don’t follow that religiously yourself…no one does. You cannot change the truth within yourself regardless of how you cover it for the world to see.

When I talk of a soul mate sharing similarities and meshing on the level of your truth, I don’t mean that you like the same things, I don’t mean that you have the same values, or that you “think” the same way…I mean your Soul Mate is a person that under the skin “is” you.  There is no discernable difference in the core personalities of the mates.

In almost every relationship, there is an exchange of some sort between the participants.  There are conditions placed on the exchange of emotion.  Relationships ARE give and take, they are not inanimate.  There is a great deal of value placed on the material aspect of that relationship, from physical attributes, to how she/he treats the other, to how “well off” they are as a couple, to how good-looking or well-behaved their kids are.  It is all material, it all on the surface.  Even what most of us consider to be love is actually a self-generated “vision” of an ideal and not true love.

Our soul, our personality, our psyche is the immaterial part of our person. It is a visible “part” of the person therefore it is not something that can have a material value attached to it.  It is not used as a bargaining chip in a relationship.  It really is an extremely intimate and private intangible attribute of its owner.  Nobody can see another’s soul, no one can touch it and therefore no one can judge it.  We judge everything else about another person; we attach or subtract value for individual “parts” of person, yet the soul is invisible.

Invisible that is, until we meet our soul mate.  Our soul mate can “see” our soul as easily as they can see their own.  To me, a soul mate possesses a mirror image of our core personality.  I also believe that a true soul mate is the only person that we can experience “true” love with, because they are the only person that can comprehend the true depth of what “true” love entails.

I don’t even bother discussing any of my fantastic ideas of what a soul mate entails with just anyone, because just anyone wouldn’t understand.  Even my wife is not objective enough to listen to my hypothetical ideas about soul mates.  She simply takes everything at face value whereas I tend to dig deeper.  It is not good enough that something works…I have to know why. The post the other day used the following to describe a soul mate wheras I feel it goes deeper and beyond even those attributes:

A soulmate is defined as “someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and/or compatibility“

I like to believe that our soul mate can “see” inside of us, and they know when they have found us via that divine intervention I spoke of earlier, but if they couldn’t it might be easier to find the “one” by advertising our personality to the world.

I went and took a personality test. This is not the window to my soul; it is not a representation of my core personality.  The thing is I don’t have to rationalize my “truth” for the world…only for one, my soul mate and for them I will not have to explain anything…they will already know.

Without further adieu, I proclaim to the world that I am an INFP

INFP.  That being Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver (INFP)

INFPs represent between 4 and 5% of the North American population, so I guess I am a bit of a personality minority as well?

INFPs value inner harmony above all else. Sensitive, idealistic, and loyal, they have a strong sense of honour concerning their personal values and are often passionately committed to making sure their beliefs and actions are congruent.

INFPs are also extremely perceptive about people. They value their uniqueness and typically seek unconventional ways of doing things. Sensitive and empathetic, INFPs tend to be exceptionally adept at reading between the lines. Although they demonstrate cool reserve on the outside, INFPs care deeply inside. They are compassionate, sympathetic, understanding and very sensitive to the feelings of others.

They avoid conflict and are not interested in impressing or dominating others unless their values are at stake. INFPs seldom express the intensity of their feelings and often appear reticent and calm. However, once they know you, they are enthusiastic and warm. Feeling truly understood and respected for their unique perspective and strong values is important for many INFPs.

What is love?

Some people think of love as a feeling. Myself included. From an intellectual point of view it is entirely something different. If we feel that warm, wonderful, butterflies in the stomach, heart fluttering feeling is love, when circumstances change the se feelings disappear.
Enlightened love is not dependant on what one feels or thinks.

True
Enlightened
Unconditional

I feel that love is a behaviour. It is a behaviour in which the welfare and pleasure of another is the primary intention and goal.
Unconditional commitment.
Real love comes from within to reflect a state of being rather than to generate emotions.

Blogs that answer this question:

http://sunnysideofliving.wordpress.com/2008/11/18/love-is/

Unconditional Conditions

One of the great misnomers : Unconditional love.

I see some profiles where the author states they wish to experience true love with another.  The “made in heaven” relationship they envision must be unconditional.  They go on to say that their potential partner must be honest, respectful and faithful.

When I read this I think to myself, this doesn’t make any sense.  I feel what they really mean is they are seeking to find a love that “under no conditions” will venture outside of their perception of what love is.
Unconditional love is completely different and most people do not understand the concept and would typically not wish to have to abide to the parameters that a relationship based on unconditional love entails.
Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs.  That being said, honesty, respect and faithfulness are specific attributes that should not have to be met within a relationship based on unconditional love. In unconditional love, love is “given freely” to the loved one “no matter what”.

The truth is that most relationships are based on conditional love.  In conditional love: love is “earned” on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover. Conditional love requires some kind of finite exchange whereas unconditional love is seen as infinite and measureless.

For many people this is not very easy to understand, probably because people have used the term to demand more love from a person than possible for that person to give. And when the person in demand was unable to fulfill the expectations of the other they were accused of not loving without condition.

1. “Loving is sharing, and not demanding.”  (Unconditional)
2. “When two people argue, that is self love.” (Conditional)

So the next time you go looking for a partner to show you unconditional love…be careful what you ask for.

Soul Mates?

I believe that there are such things as soulmates…if you believe. To a certain extent it is like believing in a fairy tale, but it is possible.

I do believe that there is more than one potential soulmate wandering the earth and they as well are secretly looking for us.

To me a soulmate is one that is “presented” to us in a spiritual manner.

We actively search out our partners in life, the ones that we live with, sleep with and fight with. Our soulmates are not chosen by us, we are brought together with them by means that are greater than us.

I feel that our soulmate is not necessarily who we might expect and they do not show up in our lives when and where we desire.

They do not come with a name tag stating that they are our soulmate so it is up to us to be very discerning with everyone we meet…just in case.

Although we are apart & may never have met, those of faith say that within this world of space & time, we are already together, but just can’t see it yet. So, to ease the pain of relentless time, I am writing this letter in hopes that it will somehow draw your soul to mine. Truth be known, I have looked for you and still do everywhere. In the streets, in my dreams… in the eyes of every soul I meet.

I have spent this time apart from you alone, setting goals, realizing dreams and becoming the man I have always wanted to be.

I have had many journeys within my life, ones that I will share with you. For someday I will also learn about what you have endured in your own path, while searching for me too.

There have been many who have asked me who you are and what you stand for. My response to them has always been the same, that the woman I love knows my worth and loves me more. All she asks I shall be…. so she will always know that all she needs will always begin with me!

The truth of love

Many people feel that there’s one person out there who can enrich your life in a way that no one else can. If this is true, how can you increase your chances of finding this person? And when you meet him or her, how will you know it’s your soulmate?

* Keep in mind that in most relationships, you’re feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.
* To help you make tough decisions about your relationship, ask someone you trust who has lots of experience with the kind of relationship you want for yourself. For example: Say you want to be happily married to one person for life. If your parents have both been bitterly divorced three times, then they are probably not the ones to talk to. On the other hand, if they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary of bliss together, then they may be ideal to learn from.
* Lasting relationships are those that are built on love – not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation – not love.
* Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don’t genuinely LIKE your mate, you’re going to be miserable.
* Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?
* A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.
* Take advantage of the post coital “moment of clarity” to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heart rate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it’s most definitely not love but lust.
* Give it some time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.
* Keep in mind that “True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be.” (Unknown)
* What comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, What do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. True love is when you could love a person without ever “dropping your drawers” so to speak.

Soulmates

Although we are apart & may never have met, those of faith say that within this world of space & time, we are already together, but just can’t see it yet. So, to ease the pain of relentless time, I am writing this letter in hopes that it will somehow draw your soul to mine. Truth be known, I have looked for you and still do everywhere. In the streets, in my dreams… in the eyes of every soul I meet. I have spent this time apart from you alone, setting goals, realizing dreams and becoming the man I have always wanted to be. I have had many journeys within my life, ones that I will share with you. For someday I will also learn about what you have endured in your own path, while searching for me too. There have been many who have asked me who you are and what you stand for. My response to them has always been the same, that the woman I love knows my worth and loves me more. All she asks I shall be…. so she will always know that all she needs will always begin with me!