Male bashing

Men are severely abused in our media, quite frankly. Just watch TV commercials/sitcoms and see how many reflect men as idiots. (If they had commercials like that about women, people (women) would have a fit.)

If it wasn’t for their wives they would be lost “animals”. Other commercials who make it appear that men act without thinking, impulsively and irrationally, and the wife is the brains of the family, which in reality is not always true. Even many women will agree, women often are the ones who act on emotions, and make judgment solely based on emotional attachments, rather then logic and reason.

Almost every “couples budgeting” article will portray the woman as the one who has to rein in the man’s childish spending.

I am not suggesting that men are always upstanding in their conduct. I am just stating that althought women are typically the one’s crying about an inaccurate portrayal in the media, I tend to see things in a different light.

Illogical Meanness

My boss asked me on day why I felt that couples grow farther apart as time progresses and also why women tend to become “less-than-the-nice-person-they-were-when-I-met-them”
Since I was just starting into a new relationship with a wonderful woman, I told him I would monitor the situation and try and figure out how the rifts began and when.
It has been a year and I find that her outbursts of what I will call “illogical meanness”  are increasing steadily.
My hypothesis is that the reason the separation in spirit occurs is that the women change once they are in a relationship and the men refuse to change.
I have read many times that when a couple are dating they overlook the negatives in another. She might overlook the fact that I have a cigar after dinner every night, whereas I don’t see anything in her that I feel I need to overlook, at least nothing glaringly negative about her attitude.
She is a Princess.  Perfect.
So the man doesn’t hide his bad habits.  He doesn’t change because he is dating.  He is happy with the situation because he can enjoy his life in the way he has chosen AND now he has this wonderful “understanding” woman by his side.
She on the other hand hides her bad habits.  Yes, I do consider her acid tongue and outright negative attitude ARE bad habits.
Fast forward a year and IF he continues his bad habits (as he has all along) she has no problem in showing him this NEW side of her that he may not have seen before.  She is now VERY comfortable in being a “bitch” in varying degrees whenever it suits the situation, which from the man’s perspective is far too often.
Some of the reason he was attracted to a potential relationship with this woman were:
·    She allowed him the freedom to enjoy his life, including his vices without any comments or persuasions on her part.
·    She acted like a rational, fun, easy-going friend with the added benefit that she was female so sex was an option.
·    If she was upset or stressed in any way, she miraculously hid it.
For the first while as this new person emerges from the disguise she wore on their wedding night the man is in a state of shock.  He is unsure if the sudden change was an accident so he lets it pass.  As time progresses he comes to the realization that this is in fact a pattern, she becomes more and more comfortable in “controlling” the situation with her negative attitude AND withdrawal of the “privileges” he once enjoyed.
The amazing part to me is the fact that she will fail to see how this attitude negatively affects everything in the relationship.  She fails to realize that her husband married a Princess, someone for a very short time was able to conceal her true self so well.  She was not a controlling, uptight, sexless, nagging, bitch that is standing before him at this moment asking why he never buys her flowers anymore.  She will likely never look at the situation from his point of view and admit that she changed or for those I have met that admit it…don’t care.
So we fast forward further and over time the couple grows used to the new life.  There is a high level of tolerance, giving-in, compromise…but no acceptance.  She might feel that she is winning at changing him over time..while in fact he is secretly plotting his escape.
One day he finds himself looking at his female co-worker in a different light:
Some of the reason he was attracted to a potential relationship with this woman were:
·    She allows him the freedom to enjoy his life, including his vices without any comments or persuasions on her part.
·    She acts like a rational, fun, easy-going friend with the added benefit that she is female so sex is an option.
·    If she is upset or stressed in any way, she miraculously hides it.
So the cycle begins again.
Affairs work because he can enjoy his life the way that he chooses and she would never think of showing him any attitude or the romance is finished.  The fact that a woman can curtail this negative side indefinitely when she does not wield control over a situation amazes me; however it amazes me more that  they work so hard to destroy what could be a wonderful relationship once the man utters “I Do”

Rose coloured glasses

We tend to entertain thoughts in our head about how much better life will be when we finally have that certain person, experience or thing that is missing. Although we may think these pictures of the future are happy ones, there is a flip side. Whenever we visualize a rosy future, somewhere in our minds there is picture of the exact opposite. To keep the depressing picture at bay we cling more tightly to the happy one. In the process we are actually sustaining both pictures, the best and worst case scenarios, in our imagination.

Telling ourselves stories of what is missing in our life is a way of denying our well being in the present.